


A Pearl Who Belonged to Nobody

by arielmagicesi



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Body Horror, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 22:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielmagicesi/pseuds/arielmagicesi
Summary: First she belonged to White Diamond. Then she belonged to Pink Diamond. Then she belonged to nobody. This is the story of how Pearl became Pearl.(A series of conjectures about Pearl's life before the rebellion, and then some stuff about her life based on what we know in canon)





	1. White Pearl

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how many chapters I'll really end up writing, but this stuff is all stuff that came into my head after "Legs From Here to Homeworld" and wouldn't leave me alone. I'd also like to clarify that I'm bad at math and science, so suspend disbelief if something seems off. Also, the line "If you cannot be unafraid, be afraid and happy" is from The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater.

She was forged in the vast seas of Homeworld. First she wasn’t there, and then she was. Her first memory was of emerging from the shell that had formed and polished her, and then she was swimming to the surface. Around her was nothing but shining white water and cracked-open shells stretched for miles.

She broke the surface, floating delicately into the air above, and landed deftly onto the smooth rock shore. Beneath her in the water she had seen her reflection: pure white, a short dress clinging to her nimble body, and a perfect pearl in the center of her forehead. That was the core of her being.

The reason for her being stood massively above her. She gazed up, up, up, to that luminous divine face, the name of which she already knew. White Diamond.

“No, no, no,” White Diamond was saying. She was not looking at the pearl that had just emerged from the water. Around her shimmering head were hundreds of white pearls. She waved her arms through them dismissively, looking past them to the two lesser diamonds standing far below her. “No, no. None of these will do.”

“A pearl is nothing, White,” said Yellow, her arms crossed. “We’ve been at this all day, can you just make your choice?”

“It really doesn’t suit you to speak this way to your superior, Yellow,” White Diamond said. “I think you’re being a little forgetful, forgetting your place.”

Yellow grit her teeth. A wave of white light passed over her, and she winced in pain.

Blue looked over, her eyes shining with regret. The pearl felt tears glimmer in her eyes.

“My Diamond,” she said. “Please do not punish Yellow for her concern. She only speaks out of love and devotion for you. Any pearl would give their life for your domain, so why not choose one and move on to the war for Planet X-19?”

Blue’s interruption, too, was met with a wave of blinding light.

“A pearl is not nothing,” White Diamond said, ignoring the tears that now streamed from Blue’s eyes and the eyes of every gem around her, except White. “A pearl has a duty, like every one of you has a duty. A duty to me. She must perform that duty, or she will be punished. And I don’t like to be forced to punish my beautiful gems. But I will if they make me.”

Her smile grew wider while Blue and Yellow doubled over, and their tears splashed onto the hot rock and sizzled. A few pearls fell from the sky.

“What do we have here?” White drawled slowly. Her eyes went down, down, down, to the lone pearl standing up on the beach.

The pearl stared at her, mesmerized by light. A wave of pain ran through her, and she bowed her head. It would not be right to minimize her appearance by showing that she was in pain. She had just popped into existence but she knew already: a pearl existed to please her mistress.

“A late pearl. And when I’d thought we’d gotten them all.”

A white arm extended from the sky, and the ground shook.

The pearl was lifted into the air. She kept her head bowed.

“Yellow, I want you to listen to me,” White Diamond said. “This pearl took her time emerging. Sometimes, things are worth taking time for. Do you understand me, Yellow?”

“I-” Yellow began.

“I’m glad. I don’t like it when we don’t understand each other. You may go.”

There was a thunderous clattering as all the other pearls rained to the ground and shattered. Yellow and Blue were escorted to their ships in bubbles.

“And you,” White Diamond said. “Look at me, please.”

The pearl looked up. Everything in her vision was white except for the black lines of her diamond’s eyes and mouth.

“Pearl,” White said. “You belong to me now. I like that you were late; it means you’re careful. How wonderful that you get to serve me.”

Pearl curtsied in the palm of her diamond’s hand.

“Yes, My Diamond,” were the first words she ever spoke.

 

Serving White Diamond was an exercise in nightmares. Her light was addicting, but it was also painful. It made your will weaker, and contorted you into whatever positions White willed. The only gems who could stand it were the diamonds, and of course, Pearl.

She was strong in body, resilient. It took a lot to make her tired, and White made sure to drench every last drop of energy from her. When she tired, she was allowed to rest, but only if she had done every part of her job perfectly. Otherwise, White kept her mindlessly working until she poofed from exhaustion, which took a long, long time.

When she met with the other Pearls, they would sometimes tell her about their mistresses’ fits of rage. Yellow Diamond had been known to shoot lightning at disobedient gems, and throw things at her Pearl if she fell short of expectations. Blue Diamond was apparently quick to shatter gems she disliked. And Yellow Pearl and Blue Pearl were encouraged to be absolutely silent unless spoken to.

White Pearl had a different experience. White Diamond never raged. She showed her disapproval by bending other gems to her will with a dazzling smile on her face. She radiated light-waves of severe pain without moving an inch. And she was never anything but unfailingly polite and demure. She never shouted because she never had to; her whisper could command a planet. Every word she spoke was sweet but terrifying.

Pearl had seen gems fall to pieces in front of her just because of this. Yellow and Blue destroyed gems; White made them destroy themselves.

Once, a rogue agate was brought in front of White and told by a zircon to present her case. White stared down at her as she stammered and then interrupted her over and over, ignoring everything she had to say, until the agate started thrashing and screaming on the floor. White then said that she’d been nothing but polite and that this disobedient gem had forced her hand. She sent a lightbeam right at the agate, who began to scream in pain, and then fell silent as her own arm came twisting over her gem, smashing it.

Pearl watched in horror as the agate’s form zapped in the air, her limbs wriggling limply, her mouth malforming, great white spots writhing over her, until her gem fell to pieces on the ground.

White’s smile was wide. Pearl was perfectly still. The zircon, in the corner of the room, had covered her face in terror.

White’s gigantic face swiveled, and her dazzling smile was pointed straight at Pearl.

“Pearl,” she said. “Aren’t you pleased?”

“I am pleased when you are pleased, My Diamond,” Pearl said.

She met White’s eyes head-on. They were bigger than Pearl was, and cold.

“Yellow and Blue don’t speak to their pearls, except to give orders,” White said. “Did you know that?”

“I- I have heard that, My Diamond.”

“But I speak to you all the time. Do you know why that is?”

“No, My-”

“It’s because I want you to learn. I chose you because I like when my gems pay attention to what they are doing. There is a hierarchy to my universe, because my universe is a living precious metal machine.”

When she spoke about her universe, White Diamond seemed more at peace than any other time. She spoke of this to the many gems that entered her court: the other two diamonds, and the array of diplomatic gems that bowed before her in terror. The universe, White Diamond said, belonged to her. There were spots of it that were diseased, and that was why gems conquered it, and made more gems- more beings in service of her. All gems were made to serve upwards and upwards all the way to White Diamond. Any that did not were defects, and meant for shattering.

It was blasphemous for Pearl to not believe this. That was why she kept her disbelief hidden away in the secret parts of her gem.

“Every gem,” White Diamond continued, “is a precious thing, because each gem contributes to the maintenance of my universe. That is why even the littlest pearl, the grimiest bismuth, must know their role perfectly, and must understand the workings of my universe. To understand the whole makes you understand your part. Do you understand, Pearl?”

“Perfectly, My D-”

“Good. Because I know that you and White Zircon over there found this agate’s display quite unpleasant. Didn’t you, White Zircon?”

The zircon stood up straight and saluted, teeth chattering. “Y-y-es, My Diamond! I- I mean, no, My Diamond!”

“Sometimes unpleasant things are necessary. This agate did not serve its purpose. The excellent thing about my gems is that when they are defective, they destroy themselves. That’s the order of things in my universe. Isn’t that right, Pearl?”

 _No,_ shouted the disobedient version of Pearl that lived inside her gem. _You made her destroy herself!_

She stared up into the all-powerful eyes of White Diamond.

“Yes, My Diamond,” she said unflinchingly.

 

Pearl was six hundred years old the first time White Diamond gave her a real punishment. In the past, White Diamond had rewarded Pearl’s curiosity and affinity for learning. She said that a regular pearl ought to be content with serving her mistress and nothing more, but a White Pearl ought to be intelligent, sharp, organized, smart.

“How can you know your place if you don’t know everyone else’s?” White Diamond said. “Pearl, ask me a question.”

Pearl thought for a moment, then asked, “Why do you want me to ask you questions?”

White Diamond grinned. Pearl didn’t need to ask questions to be a quick learner. She had learned already how to find the meaning behind her Diamond’s orders. White Diamond didn’t want a question, she wanted an opportunity to give an answer. And the answer, naturally, was the usual monologue about everyone’s duty to the luminous, glorious, all-powerful White Diamond.

Pearl was not supposed to think that anything her Diamond did was redundant or dull or… she shuddered to think… annoying. But she couldn’t help it, so she locked those thoughts away, pearls hidden in pearls.

Pearl became in the habit of asking questions of her Diamond, when White looked bored or in need of attention. She usually asked questions that she already knew the answers to, or questions that gave her mundane information about gem-kind. In this way, she learned quite a bit about her culture. This was one of the things she loved about serving under White Diamond: the opportunity to learn.

Much of her time was spent on organization. She was denied rest until everything was in its place, alphabetized or sorted properly. Pearl became incredibly deft at perfect organization- of documents, artifacts, weapons, gems being prepared for injection.

Rarely did she risk asking a question she really wanted the answer to. She would slip it in between innocuous questions, do it during times when White Diamond was only answering her questions for entertainment. This was how she learned how pearls were made, what a rebellion was (something often undertaken by colonized species, in an attempt to save themselves from gem rule, but something that always failed), and how many pearls White Diamond had had before her (fifty-eight, all of whom had failed).

Today she asked, “What is in the pink room on the far end of your court, My Diamond?”

White Diamond’s eyes flashed black. Pearl had never seen them do that.

“Pearl,” she said, after a moment. “You may have heard it said before that I am the Sun Queen.”

Pearl nodded. This was one of the many titles gems would say to White when they fell into rhapsodies before her.

“A sun is the central star of a system. All else revolves around it. I am the sun of gems, the center, the only thing that truly matters, and the source of all. But I am not the _only_ star in this universe. Yellow and Blue, for example, are my little stars. A sun needs moons to reflect its light, but it also needs stars, to make other light. To act as a counter, a foil.”

Pearl didn’t think any of this lined up with the astronomy she had learned, but White Diamond said a lot of things that didn’t make sense. She was just supposed to be believed.

“What lies in that pink room,” White said, “is my starlight. Something to remind me what I am.”

“What do you mean by that, My Diamond?”

“I think we’ve had enough questions for today,” White said abruptly. “Go answer my messages.”

Pearl had to know what was in that room.

It wasn’t as though she hadn’t gone on expeditions before, to figure something out. She was endlessly busy, but she found pockets of time to quench her curiosity. She’d snuck into a hole over a ruby training ground once and watched them practice their fighting and fusing for hours. It was exhilarating. White hadn’t reprimanded her when she’d gotten back, but two days later she’d said in a meeting, “My, my, Pearl, you’ve gotten ever so good at running around this table since you snuck off to see how the rubies run.” It was a reminder that she was always watching.

But she let Pearl get away with curiosity, as long as it didn’t contradict a direct order. Somehow, though, Pearl thought that a visit to the pink room of starlight, though not explicitly ordered against, would be potentially deadly.

She ended up finding out what was in the room without visiting it at all, when Blue and Yellow visited a few weeks later. They were part of the reason Pearl was so curious about the pink room- every time they visited White’s court, they would both go there, and come out with emotions written all over their faces. Exasperation, happiness, Blue’s contagious tears.

Blue and Yellow first went to commune in White’s room. There were quartz guards lined around the perimeter, and the three pearls were dismissed.

Standing outside, Yellow Pearl was the first to speak.

“My diamond says that you’re an embarrassment to pearls and that White Diamond is generous for keeping you,” she said. She was wearing her usual smirk.

“Why does she say that?” Pearl asked.

“She says it’s improper for a pearl to ask so many questions of a diamond. She says you’re going to end up shattered just like all the other pearls, and the ambers and the moonstones.”

Pearl lifted an eyebrow.

“The ambers and the moonstones?”

Blue and Yellow Pearl both laughed.

“You weren’t White’s first pearl,” Blue said in her soft voice. “She had many pearls before you. And there was a time before pearls existed. She used moonstones then. And before the moonstones existed, bits of amber acted as servants. Before that, there was no one who fulfilled the role of a pearl. And before that, it was just the four diamonds.”

Pearl had carefully catalogued away the new information, but she stopped short at the newest. “Four diamonds?”

“This is what comes of having a young pearl around, she knows nothing,” Yellow Pearl said.

“Be gentle,” Blue Pearl said. “You were young once, too.”

“There are only three diamonds,” Pearl said.

“Three _real_ diamonds,” Yellow Pearl said. “The fourth is a disgrace.”

“You cannot speak in such a way about a diamond,” Blue Pearl said. “Even Pink Diamond.”

Pink Diamond. The words lit a memory in Pearl’s mind, and she instinctively glanced at the shimmering pink room all the way on the other end of White’s court.

“What makes her a disgrace?” she asked.

“She’s been kept in her room for millennia,” Blue Pearl said, hushed. “It’s punishment. To teach her.”

“My diamond says Pink is the favorite,” Yellow Pearl added. “That White Diamond would never allow such misbehavior from anyone else.”

“What did she do?” Pearl asked. “And if she’s the favorite, why is she being punished?”

Blue and Yellow Pearl looked at each other.

“Rebellion,” Blue Pearl whispered.

 _Rebellion._ The word ran like a shiver over Pearl’s form. It was a forbidden thrill. White Diamond had told her the meaning of that word. To stray from one’s duty, one’s purpose, one’s place. Pearl kept the word neatly tucked in the darkest parts of her gem.

“We shouldn’t speak of this anymore,” Blue Pearl said.

“That’s right,” Yellow Pearl said. “You’ll just have to accept that this is the way it is. You’ll learn one day, little pearl.”

She hated when Yellow Pearl called her that.

 

This was what made White Diamond finally show Pearl a taste of what punishment looked like for disobedience.

And Pearl never regretted it, not for one second of the nine thousand years she lived with it.

She waited until she was given a rest, because White was still distracted with Blue and Yellow. And she stole down the long underground hallway that splintered off into paths all throughout White Diamond’s court.

Her ears were pounding. She knew that White knew every move she made; she didn’t know how but she knew that she could, at any moment, be put under White’s control.

It was a risk. Pearls did not take risks, but White Pearl was special. She could ask questions. She could be curious and learn.

The big pink room. Pearl had been nearby it before, when White swept across her court to visit, and Pearl had followed. White had said to her, “Leave now, Pearl, or I will have to do something I regret.”

She hadn’t gotten a chance to see how tall and wide the room was. Of course it was for a diamond. Were there more diamonds, even, than the four she knew about now? And what had Pink Diamond done, and what about her made White call her Starlight? White’s contrast, White’s foil.

Pearl longed for a contrast to her cruel, ever-smiling Diamond.

She hadn’t noticed the window stretched thin along the side of the room. She stared at it now. Inside she could see nothing but pink: soft monochrome walls like clouds, pink bubbles floating along with no gems inside.

She had stared for a few moments when all of a sudden, a pearl popped out of the room.

The pearl was smaller than White Pearl was, and all colored in pink. She looked juvenile, with buns and bows in her hair and a sweet curling dress.

Her expression was scared.

“You have to leave,” she said. “I know who you are, you’re hers. We can’t play with you or we will all get in trouble.”

“Play with me?” Pearl asked, bemused. She stood up straighter. “I came to learn. I’m curious.”

“Did she send you?” the pink pearl asked.

“She told me to be curious and to ask questions.”

“I don’t think she meant this. This place is not for any pearls except me. I- I don’t want to be shattered.”

Pearl felt a stab of empathy: this pearl was just scared. Was everyone in the universe scared of White Diamond? Even Yellow and Blue were scared of her.

Was there someplace free of fear from White?

Someplace with _rebellion._

If it wasn’t here, then was it anywhere?

Pearl was about to turn and leave, to free this other pearl of her momentary fear, when a face appeared at the window.

Only part of the face could be seen through the window: beady, kind eyes, and magenta skin. A little nose and a soft smile.

“Pearl,” she said. “It’s all right. Let me take the punishment.”

The pink pearl stammered and stepped backwards.

Pink Diamond- it had to be Pink Diamond- examined White Pearl. None of her leaved the room. She was imprisoned.

“You’re hers,” she said. “But you’re not really hers. Not all of you. You’ve got a little spark of rebellion. Oh, I wish I could play with you. I wish I could take you in here and make little playthings for you out of clouds.”

“Please,” Pearl said. “Tell me what you did that- that was-”

“I had fun,” Pink Diamond said. “I ran off. I played with other gems. It wasn’t as exciting as you think. Did she tell you I was a big, bad, scary criminal? I’m not. I’m a diamond. I’m her silly little princess. Did you know I’ve never even had a colony of my own?”

She sounded like a spoiled brat. No, that wasn’t true. She sounded like a… like a trapped animal.

The next thing she said was the one Pearl never forgot.

“You’re so scared,” she said. “And so, so angry. You’re keeping it all so deep inside. I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you.”

Pearl had never known that a diamond could feel what others felt. Could even care what others felt.

She felt warm for a moment, and then very, very cold. Burning cold.

“Fifty-nine,” White Diamond said. “Fifty-nine pearls. I had thought this one would last longer.”

“Please don’t punish her!” Pink Diamond screamed. Her eyes were pleading, and she was suddenly crying. The tears splashed through the membrane of her window and washed over Pearl. It was overwhelmingly pleasurable.

“You don’t give me orders, Starlight, I give you orders.”

“It’s not an order. I’m begging you, O Luminous, My Diamond, My Sun Queen, please don’t punish this pearl! I heard her say you asked her to be curious. She misunderstood your order, you can teach her better! Please don’t shatter her, please.”

“Oh, Starlight,” White Diamond said, in that same horrible singsong tone she used for everyone. “You know I can’t say no to you when you beg.”

“Thank you,” Pink Diamond whispered, her face buried in her hands.

White Diamond turned her terrifying, smiling face to Pearl, who felt the icy burn of light run through her form.

“How wonderful that you get to learn a lesson,” she said. “You want to learn, but you forgot that I am your teacher. Now you get to learn a wonderful lesson about your place.”

Pearl knew that learning, for White Diamond, never meant learning. It meant being crushed under her boot.

“There are nearly one hundred billion viable planets that we have identified for gem colonization,” White said. “Underneath my great tower, there is a file for each of them. Some of them are in very antiquated formats. I want you to sort through every one of them, categorize, alphabetize, update the format, whatever is required. They must be in perfect order when you are done. Oh, and Pearl? You cannot rest until this task is done. And since you don’t understand that asking questions is about learning _my_ answer, and not about acting like my authority is a question, you cannot speak until this task is done, either. This is my order. It starts now.”


	2. Pink Pearl

Pearl was a thousand years old when she was done sorting the files.

The first few decades were torture. She’d grown accustomed to speaking, and being silent began to actively hurt. It was humiliating, too, because she still had to perform her regular duties in addition to sorting the files. She answered messages and stood alongside her diamond at various functions. A perfectly silent pearl was seen as a sign of ultimate prestige, but Pearl despised being White’s ornament to parade around.

Primarily, however, her time was spent on the files.

The lack of rest was something she was more used to. The first time she poofed out of exhaustion, she found herself reforming instantly. Pearl never reformed instantly. She took her time, like she had been praised for doing when she first formed.

But it made sense: a direct order from White Diamond carried power. She had no agency over whether she could rest inside her gem; she was forced to regenerate immediately.

When her exhaustion grew deeper, White’s light infused her and made her capable of working faster, but with less of her own personality. The tasks became rote. And Pearl liked sorting: it was in her nature. But when she was working through the power of White’s terrible mind-controlling light, she started to hate her task.

Pearl realized at some point that she was at a crossroads. If she kept working in this way, she would start forming cracks: not because of her physical exhaustion, but because of her mental breakdown, which for gems was somewhat equivalent to physicality. She would either be classed as a failure and be shattered, or- more likely- be patched up by white light and become what White Diamond really wanted, which was little more than a puppet.

Because for all White said about her pearl learning, she didn’t want Pearl to learn. She wanted Pearl to be programmed. She wanted every gem in her universe to be naturally inclined to a programming that led them to become nothing more than extensions of White’s will.

 _Nothing is naturally inclined to become a puppet,_ Pearl thought.

Her disobedient thoughts stirred more and more the longer she stayed silent. Those were what kept her alive, what kept her herself. She had to choose: the part of her that was made for White Diamond, or the part of her that was a defect?

She chose the defect. She chose to _cultivate_ her defected nature.

White Diamond had ordered her not to rest. She had said nothing about sneaking off to pursue other tasks.

Pearl had found out something wonderful: when she let her mind be filled with her disobedient self, White Diamond was blind to her. When she returned to passive mindless work, White Diamond’s control returned.

So every night- or whatever passed for night in White Diamond’s ever-glowing realm- she stopped sorting files, released the Rebellious Pearl, and snuck off to see the quartz soldiers training.

Each type of quartz wielded a different weapon. There were amethysts and their preference for whips. Smoky quartzes, who shot off boomerangs. Jaspers had massive clubs, though they preferred hand-to-hand combat. Pearl’s favorite, though, were the rose quartzes, who had vast pink swords.

They reminded her of her last act of rebellion.

She watched the youngest ones train. Of course, they were built for fighting, and she was not. But she was a defect. So she had the desire to fight anyway.

Hiding above the caverns where the rose quartzes trained, she learned how to hold a fighting stance. Legs spread wide. Body lowered. Right foot forward, then left foot.

She practiced without a sword. And she grew strong.

In this way, she was able to survive four hundred years of restless silence and misery. One hour a day of sword practice, unbeknownst to White Diamond. And the rest was file sorting.

When the last file slid into place, Pearl instantly poofed, and it took her a month to reform.

White Diamond was waiting for her when she awoke, more refreshed than she’d been in four centuries.

“Welcome back, Pearl,” she said. “Did you learn your lesson? Are you ready to behave now?”

Pearl locked away her disobedience again.

“Yes, My Diamond,” were once again the first words she spoke.

 

She was quieter now, by force of habit. She knew how to make the right moves. She was older. She was smarter.

It was a couple more centuries before the Great Belt of Planets was discovered. A team of explorer gems had found an oasis of several dozen new planets in the middle of a veritable ocean of lifelessness out in deep space. The announcement had Homeworld in a tizzy of excitement, and White Diamond was glowing.

Blue and Yellow’s courts came to rest in the capital city for the first time since long before Pearl was formed, and every gem in the place was working tirelessly. And White Diamond had a special surprise: she wanted, for this special occasion, to have all four diamonds step out, together again at last.

Pink Diamond was brought to White’s room. The only two gems there besides them were their pearls.

“Hello, Starlight,” White Diamond said. “We’ve all missed you terribly.”

Pink curtsied.

“Thank the stars you’re out once again. I’m so glad that all your little games are finally over.”

“Certainly, My Diamond,” said Pink, with a twinkle in her eye.

Pearl had to keep the door shut tight on more disobedient thoughts, at the sight of Pink smiling like that. She stood up tighter at her place beside White’s throne, her expression drawn sharper, colder.

“This will be your new debut,” White said. “I’m so glad you’re going to be a good gem for it.”

“Oh yes, I would hate to be naughty,” Pink said, a hint of a smile still tugging at her lips.

Pink Diamond’s presence at court tended to bring a smile to everyone’s face. She liked to give gifts, when she could get away with it, and make little jokes. She could heal with her tears, which Pearl saw in action one magnificent time, when Pink Pearl jumped off a high ledge and cracked her gemstone, and Pink Diamond healed it with a teardrop.

“That pearl is nothing but trouble,” Yellow Pearl muttered, after seeing that. “Why did she jump off that ledge?”

“She said that they were playing,” Pearl said, trying to sound disapproving. It was a bit ridiculous to play around, if you were a pearl. Or any gem, really.

“Playing!” Yellow scoffed. “She’s worse than you used to be, White Pearl.”

Pearl took pride in the “used to be”- she was no longer “little pearl,” but a grown-up gem.

It was a week before the grand ceremony announcing the new colonies, when Pink Pearl got in real trouble.

Blue and Yellow Diamond had come to White’s room to speak about Pink Diamond. Pearl, to her excitement, was allowed to stay and listen.

“She’s been begging us for a colony,” Blue said. “She wants to show us that she can be a real diamond, too.”

“It’s endless,” Yellow groaned. “ _Give me a colony! I want an army! Oh Yellow, I want to command ships too!_ It’s a nightmare.”

“One day, she will have a colony,” White said. “Maybe in a few thousand years, of course. She still has that rebellious spark in her. For a diamond, that’s good. I want it to refine and develop, like a gem planted in the ground. I want that rebellious spark to turn into the genius that only a diamond can have, a genius that serves my light.”

“Can’t we just give her a little practice colony?” Yellow asked. “She can develop it there.”

Yellow’s suggestion was met with a flash of painful light.

“I decide when Pink gets what she gets,” White Diamond said. “She’ll get a colony when I decide. She needs some semblance of maturity first.”

There was a bang and spectacular crash from outside the room. Then an explosion.

The diamonds rushed outside, Pearl skittering after them on her tiny feet. She gasped when she saw what had happened. A hole had been blasted through the great fountain standing in the middle of the giant courtyard, the fountain that had just been commissioned to a team of Bismuths for next week’s ceremony. It was supposed to show all the diamonds standing over a myriad of shining planets, with pure glittering white water rushing over it all.

It was now in several pieces, and surrounded by gems screaming, and a furious Bismuth.

“My Diamonds,” she said, desperately attempting to cool her rage when the three elder diamonds arrived. “I was very near finishing it when, um, when…”

Her gaze turned to the culprits standing nearby.

It was Pink Diamond and her pearl, holding the remains of some gem-powered fireworks.

“I’m so sorry,” Pink Diamond said. “We thought it would be fun.”

Blue and Yellow looked terror-stricken, but White just opened her grin wider and laughed.

“I knew you would need a little fun,” she said. “Thank the stars it was just this fountain and not something big and important. I’m sure the Bismuths will have it back together in no time, won’t you?”

Her teeth glimmered. The Bismuth in charge stammered a reply, which she ignored.

“Did you get everything out of your system?” White asked, staring at Pink.

“Yes,” Pink said. “I’m sorry.”

Yellow and Blue Diamond looked relieved, sharing quick glances. White looked at them, and then looked at Pink’s pearl, who was holding the bulk of the fireworks.

“I have an idea,” White Diamond said. “I think you could learn a little maturity if you got a brand new court.”

“I don’t have a court to begin with,” Pink Diamond said.

“You’re going to get one. We’ll start with a new pearl and a new palanquin. Then a Padparascha Sapphire of your own, and-”

“A new pearl?” Pink Diamond interrupted.

It was clear that only White Diamond’s Starlight could get away with interrupting her.

“Yes,” White Diamond said. “I think this one hasn’t been a good influence on you.”

Pink Pearl was shaking.

“Please don’t punish her!” Pink Diamond pleaded, and Pearl was forcibly reminded of the time Pink had begged for _her_ salvation, four hundred-odd years ago. “If she can’t be my pearl, give her to someone else at least. Please. I’m begging you.”

“I was never going to punish her,” White Diamond said. Her hand reached out and picked up the shivering little pearl. “A rebellious streak is an excellent thing if we give it time to refine… If I give her the opportunity to learn her lesson…”

Pearl dreaded what was coming next.

Swallowed by the light radiating off White’s massive hands, the color drained out of Pink Pearl. The pearl embedded in her midriff, placed there to match Pink’s diamond placement, lost its sheen like smoke blowing out of a candle. Her clothing turned grey, and she became stiff and cold.

“She will be my pearl,” White Diamond said.

Pearl froze. White’s pearl? How could that- how could a defective Pink Pearl be taken to White’s court? And what would become of Pearl now?

“You can take my pearl,” White Diamond explained, as everyone looked on in horror at Pink Pearl’s ungodly transformation. “She has trained well under me. She will be of use to you. She will make you happy.”

 

White Diamond led both pearls back to her cavernous room, alone. The new White Pearl floated down to the ground from White’s hand, looking dazed and terrified.

White ignored her and turned her attentions to her own Pearl- or rather, her old Pearl. Her fifty-ninth.

“Listen to me now more than you ever have, Pearl,” White Diamond said. “This is what you were made for; this is how you serve me best. Blue and Yellow Diamond have their purposes but the Great Diamond Authority is not truly complete without Pink. An empire needs contrast. You are that place of contrast in Pink’s court. To her imagination and empathy, you bring my clear head and single-mindedness. Do well, Pearl. Serve me. Keep her happy until she is ready.”

White Diamond grinned.  
“Remember, Pearl, this changes nothing. You’re still mine.”

 

The next few thousand years of Pearl’s life were a relief. In many ways, this was something she had dreamed of. During those long years of suffering under White Diamond, she had more than once thought how nice it would be to work with Pink Diamond instead: that sweet, healing presence.

But it wasn’t everything she’d dreamed of. For one, they weren’t dancing in the moonlight or learning swordfighting together or (she blushed) kissing, like had happened in some of her treacherous imaginings. Instead, Pearl did the mundane work of checking Pink’s (few) messages, accompanying her to her (few) meetings, and doing chores like opening doors for her, although Pink almost never actually let her open the door or anything like that. It was frustrating.

More often, Pearl desperately tried to follow White’s order to “keep her happy,” but she never could. She tried performing some of the amusing little tricks she’d seen the old Pink Pearl do back in White’s court, but she just wasn’t very good at them. At some point, Pink Diamond actually broke out laughing, and Pearl smiled, hoping she’d succeeded. But Pink Diamond just said, “Oh Pearl, I’m sorry. You’re like a robot pretending it’s a gem. You don’t know how to be silly.”

“I’m sorry, My Diamond,” Pearl said, hanging her head. “I’ve failed you.”

“No, no!” Pink said. “Oh, no, that came out all wrong. You haven’t failed me. You’re just different. You don’t have to try so hard.”

“Of course I do, My Diamond,” Pearl said. “That’s what I was made for.”

Pink sighed.

This wasn’t the life she’d imagined when she’d imagined serving under Pink Diamond, but Pearl would take it. She despised White Diamond. Well- not all of her. The disobedient part of her. The part that had snuck off at night to learn swordfighting. The part that had gotten her in trouble.

That part despised White Diamond. And she was overjoyed to be rid of her. Even if she wasn’t truly rid of her. Still.

And Pink Diamond had her moments, when she was more than just a fun-loving gem that seemed disappointed in Pearl. Once, she had stopped Pearl in the middle of Pearl organizing her inbox. She’d said, “Come on, there’s a meteor shower, we’ve got to see it!”

Pearl had pasted on a smile and sat through the meteor shower as Pink ooh-ed and aah-ed, and when it was done, she’d excused herself and sprinted back to the inbox, organizing the rest of it until it was in perfect order. Only then did she release a long breath.

“That was weird,” Pink said.

Pearl jumped. Pink was standing right behind her.

“My Diamond,” Pearl said, and quickly saluted.

“You’re very strange,” Pink said. “Why did you rush back in here like that? The inbox could’ve waited.”

“I’m sorry, My Diamond, it will not happen again.”

“No, come on, just _tell me why_ you did that. My last pearl never did anything like that.”

Pearl gathered herself.

“I exist to serve you,” she said. “I was trying my best to serve you.”

“Why don’t you just speak? I don’t understand.”

Pearl swallowed.

“If you wish me to speak, please tell me,” she said.

“Do you think I’m an evil tyrant? I never wanted this power. I’m not a diamond to be cruel to you.”

Pearl didn’t say anything.

“Pearl, come on, just say something.”

“What do you want me to say, My Diamond?” Surely this was some kind of loyalty test.

“Say what you mean, damn it! Why are you so afraid of me?”

Pearl clutched her hair, her eyes going wide, and she sank to the floor. Her mind was screaming a thousand things.

_You’re a Diamond! Who cares if you never wanted this power? You have it! Don’t you know why I’m afraid? You’re selfish! You have all this empathy and all this power and you do nothing, nothing, nothing!_

She couldn’t speak. She covered her mouth, shaking. She couldn’t speak couldn’t speak couldn’t speak couldn’t speak-

Pink was crouched down next to her on the glassy floor. Gently she lifted Pearl’s head.

“Who could stand to make someone so afraid?” she said softly. “She did this. Oh, Pearl, I’m so sorry. She scares me, too.”

Pearl looked up at her.

“How can a diamond be scared?” she asked.

Pink laughed, an incredulous laugh.

“I’m scared all the time. But I don’t let that stop me. I figured, if I don’t know how to be unafraid, I’ll be afraid and happy.”

Pearl smiled.

“You’re happy?” she asked.

“I’m trying,” Pink said. “Maybe one day I’ll find a way.”

From then on, Pearl tried to approach her job with less terror and anxiety. But it was very difficult. A thousand-odd years with White Diamond, four hundred of which were spent in restless silence, left a mark. She was in a safe place now, with a tolerant mistress, but she was still a servant. She _belonged_ to somebody, and Pink Diamond would never understand how that changed someone.

And Pearl suspected that even if one day she was free of all gem-kind, somewhere far off where no diamond could ever find her, she could not erase the lurking shine of White Diamond from her mind.

Pink Diamond showed that spectacular wisdom and maturity on occasion, that very un-gem-like nature where she cared deeply for those below her station. But mostly, Pearl didn’t see where all the talk of her rebellion came from. Sure, she played around and acted out and honestly just threw tantrums sometimes. Nothing she did seemed to match White’s old definition of “rebellion” though. Nothing challenged the status quo. Nothing changed anything for the gems she appeared to care so much for. Nothing suggested she was anything but a diamond doing her duty.

Pearl was more of a rebel than she was.

 

Pearl had been stupid to think Pink Diamond was someone she might fall in love with. It had been a beautiful fantasy during those dark nights. But Pink represented, instead, something that Pearl despaired was true: that any hope of rebellion was just authority finding a way to reflect on itself.

It was a long time before she learned that that despair was wrong, impossibly wrong, and that her old hopes were truer than she’d ever imagined.

That all began a couple thousand years after Pearl was given to Pink. Finally, finally, Pink Diamond was given the colony she wanted so badly. Why she wanted a colony, Pearl didn’t know. She hated responsibility.

Pearl had helped coach her into the sort of gem she needed to be to get the colony she wanted.

“White says she wants to see signs of your maturity first,” Pearl said. “I can show you what kind of maturity White expects, if you want.”

“Ooh yes!” Pink said. “An acting game. How fun.”

Pearl was fond of Pink, even if Pink was just a benevolent version of the other diamonds. She was very funny and endearing, and her kindness and patience meant a lot. Pearl could see that somewhere in there, there was the potential for real _rebellion_ , real kindness- it just wasn’t coming out, and that was disappointing.

Pink had squealed with excitement on the entire ride to Earth, her leg ship flailing wildly, dancing a jig across space. Both she and Pearl knew that Earth was the “practice colony” that Yellow Diamond had referred to in the past, but Pink saw it as an adventure. A way to get away from the dullness of Homeworld.

Pearl knew she’d soon be disappointed.

But despite herself, she, too, was excited to see the planet Earth.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter at @ArielKalati and on Tumblr at arielmagicesi.


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